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New Clearblue Test Comes With Flight Voucher In Case Result Positive
WASHINGTON—In an effort to help customers living in areas with little or no access to abortion care, Clearblue announced Monday that its pregnancy tests sold in the U.S. market would now come with a flight voucher in case the result was positive. “Starting today, our home diagnostic products will include a generous $100 credit that can […]
Trump’s Tariffs By The Numbers
The Trump administration has raised taxes on Chinese imports to 125% as the trade war continues to heat up. The Onion looks at the key facts and figures behind the president’s tariffs. $3.2 billion: Market gains for bug-out bags 29: Turnips to be substituted into average American’s weekly diet 1 in 3: Americans currently screaming […]
Hush Falls Over Crowd After Bagel Tears ACL In Jumbotron Race
CHICAGO—Thousands of horrified Bulls fans reportedly gasped and shuddered Tuesday when a cartoon bagel tore his ACL in the jumbotron race, a gruesome injury that caused a hush to fall over the crowd at the United Center. “Oh Jesus, Biggie Bagel just went down hard—I’m not sure he’ll ever compete in another Dunkin’ race after an […]
Working From Home
Yesterday I saw my neighbor kicking in his own door…Turns out he’s a burglar who started working from home. Joke of the day – Working From Home is the best Joke for Friday, 11 April 2025 from site A joke a day – Working From Home. Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. […]
U.S. Imposes Tariffs On Remote Island Of Penguins And Seals
The U.S. Commerce Secretary defended the country’s decision to impose tariffs on Heard and McDonald Islands, an uninhabited archipelago populated only by penguins and seals. What do you think? “There go our closest allies.” Nora Summerville, Systems Analyst “But my mollusk futures!” Gary Bates, Truck Puller “It’s about time they start paying their fair share […]
Russell Brand Invited To Florida College To Teach Sexual Assault Workshop
SARASOTA, FL—As part of an effort to expose the student body to a variety of cultural perspectives, the New College of Florida announced Thursday that it had invited English comedian and podcaster Russell Brand to teach a sexual assault workshop. “Mr. Brand has an incredible range of experience he can share with both students and […]
Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing Tariffs
WASHINGTON—Bragging that he had forced the world leader into “total submission,” President Donald Trump boasted to reporters Thursday that he had strong-armed President Donald Trump into pausing his latest round of tariffs. “I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in […]