4 Men Caught Smuggling Hundreds Of Ants
Four ant smugglers pleaded guilty after being caught by the Kenyan Wildlife Service attempting to sneak hundreds of giant African harvester ants out of the country, which are valued by some exotic animal dealers at over $200 each. What do you think? “God forbid four men have a picnic.” James Merle, Frame Positioner “Give me […]
Pros And Cons Of Bringing Back Extinct Species
Colossal Biosciences claims it has brought back the dire wolf, a species that went extinct thousands of years ago, by editing the genes of gray wolves. The Onion examines the pros and cons of resurrecting extinct species. PRO: No other problems for science to tackle right now CON: Some of them are bugs PRO: New […]
Trump: ‘The Only Gun Guy To Stop Bad Gun With Good Guy’
The post Trump: ‘The Only Gun Guy To Stop Bad Gun With Good Guy’ appeared first on The Onion. source
Scientists Identify Most Bitter-Tasting Substance
Food scientists discovered that Postia stiptica, a type of mushroom found in the U.K. and Ireland, contains a chemical identified as the most bitter-tasting substance ever found. What do you think? “This is a huge step forward for something, I assume.” Don Rizzo, Cradle Sander “Had the scientists just brushed their teeth?” Jean Baugh, Product […]
Even Investigators Not Sure Why They Keep Releasing Details Of Gene Hackman’s Death
SANTA FE, NM—Appearing visibly giddy as they released to the public a new barrage of information about the deceased couple’s living conditions, personal lives, and private health issues, local authorities announced Friday that even they were not sure why they kept sharing details of Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa’s deaths. “We have no […]
DOJ Plants Gun On Maine
AUGUSTA, ME—In a stunning discovery that linked all 1.4 million residents to a grisly unsolved cold case, the U.S. Department of Justice escalated its attacks on Maine Friday when it allegedly planted a gun on the state. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi said as she held up […]
Sammy Gertz
Sammy Gertz, 41, passed away Tuesday while bravely fighting off a horde of restaurant patrons attempting to give her the Heimlich maneuver. The post Sammy Gertz appeared first on The Onion. source
Obamas Show Off Vibrant Marriage By Inviting Nation To Join Them In Boudoir
WASHINGTON—In an apparent effort to tamp down on recent speculation about their relationship, Barack and Michelle Obama reportedly showed off their vibrant marriage Friday by inviting the nation to join them in the boudoir. “Obviously, there have been some rumors swirling around myself and Michelle, and we’d like to put that to rest by letting […]