From bold color choices to intricate patterns, there are many ways to make your springtime holiday decorations stand out from the rest. The Onion shares tips for dyeing Easter eggs.
Decide if you’ll be doing impressionism, pointillism, or a blue one.
Create a chromatic silver effect with a few tablespoons of liquid mercury.
Get the kids involved by letting them watch you do it so they don’t fuck it up.
Consider alternatives to chicken eggs, such as converting to Judaism.
Dyed shaving cream can create an amazing psychedelic marbling pattern for people a lot more artistic than you.
For a unique look, ask baseball legend Manny Ramirez to sign an egg.
Shake each egg. See if that does anything.
Use googly eyes and ancient incantations to imbue each egg with a human soul.
Throw around the word “decoupage” so people know you mean fucking business.
Cut out the middleman and just dye the chicken.
