Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9

JACKSON, MS—Seeking to assuage consumer concerns about dwindling supplies, the nation’s egg companies reportedly assured shoppers this week that a dozen has always meant nine. “While we have seen some temporary shortfalls due to the avian flu, I want to let all our loyal customers know that we will continue to sell delicious, farm-fresh eggs by the dozen, which is a colloquial way to refer to the number nine,” said Cal-Maine Foods CEO Sherman Miller, joining egg producers across the country to tout the product as still readily available in the same paper-pulp or plastic containers that hold a dozen eggs plus “three empty, bonus chambers.” “Eggs are a crucial staple of the American diet, and they’re not going anywhere. So come by your local grocery store today and pick out whatever size suits you best—our smaller half dozen, which is to say four eggs, all the way up to our 18-pack, which can hold anywhere from 12 to 15.” Miller added that his company was proud to continue their longstanding tradition of making one out of every five eggs a decoy made of styrofoam.