Only Bag Of Chips Big Enough For Funeral Reception Says ‘Party Size!’ On It

LANSING, MI—Expressing dismay at the lack of more subdued options, bereaved nephew Douglas Kerns confirmed Tuesday that the only bag of chips big enough for his uncle’s funeral reception said “Party Size!” on it. “We’re going to need refreshments for at least 40 people, but it feels wrong having all these festive colors and exclamation marks anywhere Aunt Susan can see them,” Kerns said as he desperately scanned the chips aisle for an alternative, adding that he might be able to fold down the bag’s top over some of its more party-oriented elements if push came to shove. “It looks like they do have some potato chips that come in a black bag, which feels more appropriate, but they’re also ghost-pepper flavored, which is probably a deal-breaker. A bowl would solve all of this, but we’re already using our big one for the fruit salad. Unfortunately, even if I do fold the bag down past the word “party,” it still won’t hide all the cheerful balloons and streamers they have on there.” At press time, Kerns reportedly decided that the “Party Size!” bag was fine as long as he made it clear that the chips were celebrating his Uncle Arthur’s life.