Cory Booker Sets Record For Longest Fingernails On Senate Floor

WASHINGTON—Giving Democrats a sense of hope for the first time in months, Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) reportedly set the congressional record this week for the longest fingernails on the Senate floor. “With your support, I have grown my fingernails to eight feet and three-quarters inches,” said Booker, whose act of strength and courage inspired millions of Americans across the country to grow out their own fingernails, bake gymnasium-size pizzas, and hold their breath underwater for up to 20 minutes at a time. “Was it easy? No. Were there times I wanted to quit, to just sit down and get out the clippers? Of course. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat, or go to the bathroom, and yet I succeeded anyway.” According to reports, the New Jersey lawmaker broke the late South Carolina Sen. Strom Thurmond’s 1957 record by more than a foot.