Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death

WASHINGTON—Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that Raymond Pratt, a 54-year-old resident of Chula Vista, CA who bumped a Tesla while parallel parking, had been sentenced to death. “Let me be clear: This man, who attempted to park on the street and damaged the rear bumper of a Model 3, is a domestic terrorist who deserves to die,” said Bondi, adding that the United States now had a zero tolerance policy against people like Pratt, who gently bumped a Tesla, exited his 2018 Hyundai Elantra to inspect the electric vehicle for any damage, and—though he found none—left a note apologizing to the owner just in case. “There is no world in which this man can walk free after plotting to parallel park so poorly that he tapped the sleek, sophisticated Tesla with his bumper while nudging forward at around 2 mph. The only way to deal with criminals like this is to end their lives. He gets what he deserves: the electric chair.” Bondi also announced that she would also seek the death penalty for Tesla owners who exchanged their cars, blacked out the Tesla logo, or purchased a bumper sticker that said “I bought this before Elon went crazy.”