SAN DIEGO—With the spellbound audience in the Marine Trash Experience amphitheater shouting and squealing with excitement, SeaWorld visitors were reportedly delighted Wednesday by a live garbage-patch feeding. “The keepers threw a bunch of plastic bags into the middle of the habitat, and all of a sudden this enormous blob of debris floated up and swallowed it!” said SeaWorld guest Trinity Morrow, adding that her family would visit the gift shop next in order to purchase plush stuffed garbage patches for both of her children. “We learned that in the wild, the patch’s diet primarily consists of fishing line, styrofoam, and tons of microplastic, but they get extra treats here at the park like cling wrap and action figures. It was amazing to see it ripple through the water, leaving a shiny trail of oil in its wake. We were sitting pretty far back, but the patch still managed to splash us!” At press time, reports confirmed the exhibit had been closed after the patch pulled a trainer into the water and drowned him before partially consuming his body.
DOJ Plants Gun On Maine
April 19, 2025
AUGUSTA, ME—In a stunning discovery that linked all 1.4 million residents to a grisly unsolved cold case, the U.S. Department of Justice escalated its attacks