Small Town Kind Where Everyone Leaves Chastity Belts Unlocked

AMESVILLE, OH—Explaining that the tight-knit community was built upon a strong foundation of trust, residents of this small Midwestern locale told reporters Wednesday that their town was the kind where everyone leaves their chastity belts unlocked. “Everybody knows everybody in a place this size, so when my father leaves he doesn’t even bother to lock up my chastity belt,” said 22-year-old Amesville resident Mildred Hunneman, adding that having neighbors slip in and out as they pleased was one of the great joys of their slower pace of life. “We just try to be friendly and accommodating. Why, if ol’ Tom down the road wants to stroll over and pop inside me, he knows he’s welcome to do it, just as sure as I’m welcome to do the same to him! I must have had half the dang town in here just last week. My sister Clara moved out to the big city some years back, and when I went to visit, her chastity belt had three different locks on it. She’d get up in the middle of the night to double check them! You’d never see that kind of fussin’ and worryin’ here in Amesville. Heck, you’re liable to get laughed at if anyone ever catches you walking around with your key!” At press time, sources confirmed that Hunneman had warily locked her chastity belt after seeing a Hispanic couple pull in at the gas station.