Hallow, a Catholic prayer app, is observing Lent with a prayer challenge featuring celebrities like Mark Wahlberg, who is also an investor in the app. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Hallow.
Q: Who is Hallow aimed at?
A: Lapsed Catholics seeking a closer connection with Mark Wahlberg.
Q: Is Hallow only for Catholics?
A: It’s for anyone who doesn’t mind spending their money on something they can do for free.
Q: Is it wrong to put God’s teachings behind a paywall?
A: Catholicism has a rich, beautiful history of taking people’s money.
Q: Who is the app’s main competitor?
A: The Beelzebub curse app.
Q: Why would a loving God create yet another tech startup?
A: Do not question His ways, or His bottom line.
Q: Why was Hallow banned in Europe?
A: The blood of Christ contains Red 40.
Q: Why was Hallow banned in China?
A: They really don’t like Mark Wahlberg over there.
